Spring..and so sad

I was thinking about my visit to Twilah's last October.  She had only just moved in.  While Laurie and I were there Twilah spent many hours in her new backyard.  One very warm afternoon Laurie and I joined Twilah on her deck.  Twilah, always so knowledgeable about all forms of plants, talked to us about how she was going to prune back this vine, remove that plant which didn't belong there and then she would be able to sit at her patio table and see the little lake at the back of her property.  Laurie and I began immediately to attack the unwanted and overgrown plants according to Twilah's directions.  I have no skill as a gardener, hacker is more the term I would use to describe my ability in the garden.  I hacked my way through much of her garden tyring to make the plants bend to my will.  I wanted to control, to help, to fix what was going on with this evil that had taken over my sister.  I did a poor job of the plants and can no longer do anything to have an effect on Twilah's life and the disease that took her from me.

 

As I think of that day in Dallas  I am sad that Twilah is not here to tend her plants, sit in her backyard, plan the next pruning, add some colour to all the pots on her deck, find native varieties for the garden and look out at the lake.  This time of planting, when the air changes and the weather turns warm,  I will always think of Twilah and forever feel sad that I have lost my wonderful sister.

Always room in Twi's bed

I really wanted to start my entries with memories of family life with Twilah.  I'm not sure if it was once a week or simply a few times in my life, but I have a beautiful image of sneeking down the purple carpetted hall on Nanterre to the refuge of Twilah's bed late at night.  It was inevitable that Tommy would have arrived before me, tucked in and spooning with Twilah under her black and white comforter.  She would have Ming, the massive tomcat, wrapped around her head sleeping so peacefully.  I don't think I woke her when I slipped in behind the crook of her legs laying my head on her calf.  It was such a safe and comforting feeling to be close to Twilah.  Sleep would come quickly.

To explain why I chose Twilah's bed, when I had no bed of my own but a place in either Marilee's or Laurie's bed, is difficult.  I think it is something we all felt with her.  Twilah exuded strength, confidence and above all a love beyond compare.  

Making arrangements for my last visit to see Twilah, she said to me, " there's always room for family, Jammie.  (She was having her house renovated and Phill's sister Pat was visiting.)  I'll kick Phill out to the couch and you and I can share my bed".  I wish I had taken her up on the offer and then had the memory of one last cuddle in Twilah's warm bed. :(

CBC Radio

Today I was listening to CBC Radio, where the guest being interviewed, a lawyer, specializing in wills and estate disputes, invited listeners to call in and tell their story of will or estate struggles, and I did.
After listening to my story, the lawyer said that there is absolutely nothing we could have controlled, considering Phill was named executor of Twilah's will. As far as the wishes Twilah verbalized to any of us not being carried out, he said that verbal wishes are always left to the kind heart of the executor - and then said it was obvious "my brother-in-law didn't have one". Nice to have it said on a national radio show.

A visit

Twilah visited my dreams on Tuesday night. She came as a young lady of 17 with beautiful clear skin and honey highlighted shoulder length hair in a pageboy style. Her checks were flushed with colour and she was happy, very happy. She leaned against a counter in a bright kitchen as she explained her inner happiness and where she had felt pain in her head, neck and shoulder before she left this earth. I sensed that she needed to explain the past pain to me so I could understand the depth of her peace and happiness now. She simply said, "Don't worry" smiled and was gone.

Every since that dream I no longer have the bad recall or flash back memories of the Dallas trip. Even the anger is leaving me. Sometimes I even feel sorry for that unhappy sick husband to which she denied her love in the end. I wonder if he knows that karma is coming. So sad the children have been denied the opportunity to celebrate her outstanding life. Their faither has effectively shown them how to treat him when he dies - alone, no one to hold his hand or whisper soft caring words and without love.

Peggy - Twi's step-mom

Just an FYI for my family - We have all been trying to stay in contact with Twilah's children to let them know that we care and we are here for them if they need anything - I continue to be shocked and dismayed at their lack of desire to take a=our calls or answer our emails, however, they have now removed themselves from Facebook. I guess this is their way of completely shutting u out. How sad :(

Family

Family - A loving family, is the greatest gift. To be raised in a loving environment, surrounded by loving family members, gives one a kind of strength and to pursue life's experiences without the fear of failure. It allows us to grow and nourish our own children with kindness and confidence, allowing them to carry on the trend and contributing wonderful things to this world.

It sounds a little far fetched maybe, but we have seen it proven in our immediate family, and we have seen the reverse in this sad situation with Twilah and her husband, where both parents didn't share these the same values.
Twilah contributed, in a wonderful way, to so many people's lives. She definitely was a powerful force on this earth. With all the good energy flowing, still, from her many acts of kindness,the world is a better place to live.
Thanks Twi

The Finality of It All

The tribute to Twilah on Thursday was special, but most importantly, necessary for her family (the Canadian branch). It was a chance for us to achieve some closure, something we were denied, including Twilah, because of the "evil that lurks in the hearts" of some. Odd how you can know someone for nearly 30 years, and yet not know how evil they are. He didn't amount to much, but he clearly was a convincing actor of the Academy Award variety. This blog is in Twilah's honour (thank you, Marilee), so I won't waste words on things that make me physically ill and that I cannot change, or that would sadden (anger) Twilah, if she were still alive. It will be a continuing tribute to Twilah, her love of life, her strength, generousity, and unending love.

Twilah would have warmed at the sight of her Canadian family, friends, and former colleagues getting together. We shared some laughs and some tears as we remembered the good times, when Twilah was living in Canada and still in good health. How quickly things changed.

At the end of the week end, there was more sadness for me when sister, Marilee, left for Toronto. Even more than the memorial, it represented such finality to Twilah's passing. I only hope that we will not wait until the next sad occasion for the Canadian family to be together again. I love my family just as I loved Twilah.